So... I sp...

So... I spent a good part of the day at a "Level 14" locked-down facility for minors with "severe emotional disturbances" today. Let's just say that I can understand why most of those kids might have those alleged emotional disturbances. I am pissed off. That is all.

On Internet Communication

So, I go to the library today (and get my lost card replaced, I am now free to check books out all willy-nilly all by myself!) and end up checking out this book. It's actually very timely, given that I have just kind of been going back and forth with someone on LJ about online v. offline personae, and noticing several recent posts from another friend about being misunderstood online and off, but mostly, or maybe just worse, online.This book addresses both of those issues, and quite a bit more. So, much like the last stupid book I checked out, I hauled off and ordered it from Half.com. I can see that having a library card is going to be substantially more expensive than I had hoped.With the first one, online v. IRL personae, the person with whom I was trading posts had originally written that he was somewhat miffed (*totally* my word, not his), or at the very least quite confused that a person with whom he had built what he characterized as a strong online connection did not seem to carry that connection over into an in-person meeting as strongly. My initial (and continuing) reaction to that was one of dire non-surprise. Me, my background in terms of social psychology is that of symbolic interactionism, including the work of Erving Goffman. I think he was genius and I think that everyone should read "The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life." Better still, everyone should read that book *and* "Stigma.". I can only imagine the heyday he would have with internet culture and communication. To sum up, his theory was that we create and maintain our identities on an ongoing basis, and that these activities are context-bound. To wit, I engage one identity when I am in my "therapist" role, and it will not be the same as the identity I engage in my "shoe shopper" role. Although there are some congruent elements between the two roles, they are not identical. However, when two roles collide (like, how about a client who sees me at the bar?!) things can get messy and turbulent. This is a good argument for why initial offline meetings between people who met first online can be awkward; two different roles are colliding. I like this theory, mainly because it makes sense, and also because it nicely describes what I do, which is handy, because normalization is always a neat thing.Another factor to keep in mind is that many people who are lively online may be more on the introverted side offline. Hanging out with people at a coffeehouse or a bar may not be as comfortable for me as hanging out in a chat room or trading IM’s. Then there is the fact that we Netheads tend to put a lot of time and juice into our web personae. Also, we can experiment with who we are and what we project about ourselves, not to mention building and maintaining multiple online identities that have no real corresponding offline partner. It can be a fantastically fun social experiment. Just ask my alter ego Lola Canola, the Cajun stripper. But, this can become anxiety- and fear-producing as well. When the opportunity for an in-person meeting pops up, there is maybe more awkwardness to that than even a normal blind date. At least with a blind date, I've had relatively little time and received relatively little info to make an assumption about who you are and/or what you’re all about. With the migration from an online relationship to an in-person one, there are expectations and projections to be confirmed or denied, both our own for the other, and the other's for ourselves. Eep. It's almost enough to just live the online life and not meet at all, because there is always the ambivalence and anxiety that accompany the fear of disappointment (on either the receiving or giving end). Or, y’know, to just live offline, but I’m sure we can all agree that that is just crazy talk.As it turns out, the research bears out that (duh!): people tend to be less inhibited online than they would be in person due to the increased level of anonymity. If you do not believe the research, I invite you again to talk to Lola about this. She would assure you that this is the case if she were not performing lap dances for weary bleary truckers right now. Since this is the case, it is logical that one might be even more reticent or closed upon meeting in person. This is, after all, about boundaries, and people are generally about balance. If I really let loose the boundaries online, because I'm anonymous and neenerneener, I may very well feel greatly compelled to present as somesuch very serious lady and not at all loosey goosey upon meeting someone in person. I do not, after all, want that person to think I am a total and complete wingnut in *all* my facets, right?The second bit was about being or feeling misunderstood. As applied to the Net, we all see this all the time. I can't count the number of times some thread has gone awry and when it doesn't end in an all-out "fuck you!" fest, it ends with some variation of, "I guess there was some miscommunication there, sorry."Communication is primarily non-verbal. Even the tonal aspects of communication are generally perceived as being more important than the actual words. In the Parent-Child Interaction Therapy I sometimes do, we are supposed to code a 5-minute portion of each session. One of the things we code for are "critical statements." Technically, the words, "You're a little goofy" would be coded as a critical statement. However, (thank goodness) we were trained that tone trumps content. So, if the tone of the statement was more kind and loving, it would be coded as a description. If the tone raised at the end, it would be coded as a question. It reminds me of that one skit that illustrated all of the ways you can say "dude." Happy! You are *so* busted. Chainsaw murderer outside my bedroom window...But we can’t do that online for the most part, although I have to say, I love those voice posts; they’re mesmerizing, but not entirely practical or feasible for every post and comment. And there would still be the visual aspect of communication missing. Since most communication is, in fact, not what we generally think of as communication (i.e. the words), no wonder we misunderstand and are misunderstood. We can't convey ourselves the way we can and would in person. The other party is unable to observe us for cues and clues in order to make an accurate assessment and meaning out of what we intended to communicate. There doesn't seem to be a quick or easy fix for this other than to be mindful that this is the case, and to check in with people before jumping to what may very well be (and I think often is) the wrong conclusion. Because we are what the book describes as "cognitive misers" which means that we will tend to form opinions about one another from looks to intelligence to personality characteristics to ______ (fill in blank) as quickly as possible in order to make sense of each other, and then be hard-pressed to make alterations to that initial assessment. So, be hip to that, that's all I'm sayin'.

Quote for t...

Quote for the day: "Illegal cheese is a status symbol." ~ Jesse.Cheese Lovers are Hard Core! Is it wrong to feel so strongly aroused after reading an article about *other people* enjoying illicit dairy?! I feel dirty.Anyhoo. *ahem*Cheese Lovers may be Hard Core...but not as Hard Core as Dr. Tran! ...who has been removed from YouTube because of terms violation. Bad luck, Dr. Tran!Don't worry though, Dr. Tran. You're still a hot commodity! I want a little Cowboy Tran myself.Giddy-up, and Hail Eris! :-D

Lo...

Love this cornbread recipe - I made it again this morning. (x-posted to food_porn)Here's the easiest and tastiest cornbread I've had that has the added bonus of being low in fat (just over 10% total) to boot. It is adapted from a recipe that appeared in Sunset Magazine (don't know the date or issue #, sorry) Using polenta instead of cornmeal creates more texture, and about as much class as you can get in, y'know, *cornbread.*Best of all, it takes almost no time to prepare and doesn't create a large mess to clean up afterward.Enjoy! 1 cup AP flour1 cup dry polenta1/4 minus 1 TBS sugar1 t baking soda3/4 t salt1 cup plain nonfat yogurt2 eggsPreheat oven to 400. Mix all ingredients in a bowl just until blended (do not overwork!).Pour into a sprayed or greased (greasing will add to the overall fat content - I used Pam Olive Oil Spray) 8 or 9" round or square pan. Bake until top is golden - around 20 mins in a 9" pan; closer to 25 in an 8" pan. Serve warm.** This bread does not keep long because it is so moist. So eat up! :-)dustinashe and I went to the grand re-opening and free-intro-to-the-instructor class at Blue Mud last night. Wow. I forgot several things, namely: a)how strenuous yoga is, b) exercising for 90 minutes is hard, and c) how much I really like yoga. We can't wait to go back although I'm a bit sore today. It's been a good 4 years since I had a class, and this was a second level class. Eep.In other news, I picked up "Lost in Translation," "Mystic River," and "Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon" on DVD the other day for $10 total. Score!

wtf?!

With the Lollypop Kids on the brain, I just ran into this article about the famous Munchkins.In other news: - I awoke yesterday and was unable to do Math. Which was bad, because I had a test. It is safe to say that I will not be earning an "A" on that test, nope. - I learned that I'd rather be late, than early and have to wait in the car in a place where there is no shade when it is 105 out. "Glistening" might be hot, but pouring formerly internal water out of one's pores to the point that one looks and possibly smells like a drowned rodent is not hot at all. - I went all Crazy Crocker last night and made two kinds of chicken and some corn bread. Corn bread recipe (and the recipe for the smoothie I had this morning) coming later. - Jungheads that take themselves altogether too seriously and milk everything for it's secret/archetypal/symbolic meaning can be annoying. - If this heat wave does not snap soon, I will. - And hello? Could we maybe go *one* day without another fire breaking out/flaring up?!

Random Encounters

As I left work today, I noticed a man sitting on an upturned coffee can next to, but somewhat behind, the dumpster. The thermometer in the car read 104. The man had a small paper bag with a large can of beer in it to the side of him, and what appeared to be a large lighter in front of him. He looked as if he was trying to be very very small, like he was trying to disappear. I tried to unobtrusively, but more importantly, unobviously, hurry to my car, where surely I would be safe within it. No begging, no heartfelt pleas for cash, no leering glances, no propositions.As I settled in, turned on the AC, I looked over at the man and saw that he was crying.God.Dammit.Leaving my bag in the car and thinking myself right ballsy for not locking it as I ventured ten feet away, I haltingly approached the man. I have never seen such despair that was not on the news or in a National Geographic. He looked broken, beyond repair. Not having shielded myself before I approached, because I had obnoxiously assumed that this was just some midday drunk, I was rewarded with a swift psychic kick to the innards."Um," (uncomfy pause) "are you okay?" (Brilliant opener! Of course he's fine! He's just crying behind a dumpster at 2pm drinking beer 'cause things are swell!)Turns out, he was where he was because his wife of 25 years had just left him. He had no family, no friends to turn to.I hate that because my jobs and my life have left me so jaded that my initial instinct is *always* "He reported..." which leaves all kinds of room for the assumption that "He" is full of shit. "Client reported he couldn't pay his rent because he bought a one-of-a-kind samurai sword." (Well, okay that one was true, except for the "one-of-a-kind" part, but I didn't want to burst his bubble.) "Client stated that he has been clean for three weeks." (Client is jumpier than a jackrabbit and has suddenly developed "seasonal allergies.")I felt awful that there was really nothing I could do to help him. I felt even worse considering all of the shitty assumptions I had made about him in just a couple of minutes. I told him he could go to my office if he needed help and walked away. "Take care."He nodded, sniffed, and looked up at me, eyes red-rimmed but clear as daylight. "Thank you."

Happy Birthday!

to primalfire!Hope you have a great day!

Just beachy.

dustinashe and I went to Crystal Cove State Beach today. I can't believe it's been at least ten years since I was in the water. It felt like home once I got back in again, though. Talofa!DA pre-major sunburn. He went further into the water than he's ever been. Yay desert rat! :-DWe make friends with the locals, although I suspect that they really just wanted us for our potato chips judging by the sandy gull prints I found on my towel after a round in the water... I think this one was the lookout.Happy water-bound wahine. Can't wait to go back. (I'm very glad that DA did not see the article about shark attacks being on the rise until *after* the trip.) Now that I've been back in the water, I finally feel grounded and home again... In other news: - I learned that when there are a bunch of little tree seeds and other bits of nature stuck on the car, they will be sucked into the vents and shoot out at me when I turn on the AC. - I realized that although there is evidence of what happens when one chooses to drive poorly in almost every commute (we passed three major accidents today, one of which I am sure involved fatalities), people (especially those in OC) still drive like entitled assholes. - I learned that for something like $10K, I could buy a bigger house than the one I'm in near a ski resort in Bulgaria. Yeah. I don't know.

Quote

"Omnes una manet nox." (The same night awaits us all) - from Frater AVaDI love this quote but I kept forgetting the correct Latin.

I love Valerie!

Which Princess Bride Character are You?this quiz was made by mysti

You sco...

You scored as III - The Empress. The Empress is a maternal symbol. She is the mother figure who loves, nurtures and protects.She will protect you, she will always be there when you are in trouble. When you fall over and graze your knee, the Empress will kiss it better.Yet she is not a weak figure. Her compassion is strength. If her children are threatened she will stop at nothing to protect them. If well aspected in a Tarot spread, the Empress can symbolise security, protection and unconditional love. If badly aspected it can represent over-protectiveness, fear of risk taking and refusal to face the real world.III - The Empress75%IV - The Emperor75%II - The High Priestess69%I - Magician69%VIII - Strength69%XIII: Death69%XIX: The Sun63%XI: Justice63%0 - The Fool56%VI: The Lovers56%XVI: The Tower50%X - Wheel of Fortune44%XV: The Devil31%</td>Which Major Arcana Tarot Card Are You?created with QuizFarm.comI had to answer a tiebreaker for the thing to decide whether I was the Empress or the Emperor.

PSA

Unto Ashes has the best cover of "Don't Fear the Reaper" I have ever heard.Get it here: http://untoashes.com/audio.html

Quotes

"There are seven things that will destroy us: - Wealth without work, - Pleasure without conscience, - Knowledge without character, - Religion without sacrifice, - Science without humanity, - Business without ethics, - Politics without principle."~~ Mahatma Gandhi(#7 provided courtesy of haunting_love. Thanks for that!)"We're Easter people, living in a Good Friday world."~~ Anne Lamott, quoting Barbara Johnson

Random bits.

I redid our spending plan yesterday and was thinking about it today and guess what?! We're bourgeois pigs! Kick ass!I'm already getting tired of driving out to Palm Springs. It was 118 freaking degrees when I left the office yesterday. 118 is not a temperature. 118 is a mockery of humane living conditions.On a bright note, I am going to get to do some of the TBS coaching. That should be fun - I hate doing too much of the administrative stuff. What would be the best thing ever would if BBS lets me count those hours as direct contact for my license. I am glad that the fire that was threatening Yucca has moved in another direction. I am not glad that it merged with the fire closing in on Big Bear and now is mega-fire. Also, I am not happy that a new fire started right outside of my town sometime between yesterday and today. There is an appropriate place for fires. And that is on my icon. ;-pWhen I went to get in my car this morning, there were ashes all over it. I almost freaked right out when I saw it - at first I thought it was the neighbors jacking around with their paintballs again. Everything looks and feels surreal. It's over a hundred here again today, so I'm stayin' in. Well, until later, when dustinashe and I go see Pirates II.I got a wire that is supposed to allow me to play my iPod through a WMA line in the car. I hope it works. The odd and creepy guy at Radio Shack said it would. Why are Radio Shack employees ubiquitously odd and creepy?

Seems like a good way to go...

'What will your obituary say?' at QuizGalaxy.comEDIT: Ahem. Although now that I think about it, it would only be a good way to go if Chuck Norris was not, in fact, the lover in question.Becasue if he was, then please please, someone, please just kill me now.

"That's n...

"That's not fair!" - me"This is not fair. This is marriage." - dustinasheSumbitch. I got nothin'.

WTF

OK, I was going to turn off the computer and go to bed, but then I ran into this on the Firewater website (love "Psychopharmacology) and had to put it somewhere. After all, it is not every day you run into the option of purchasing a calendar featuring angels and coffins. And in Italian, no less.

It was a...

It was a nice day.I went out to Yucca Valley this morning to check in some kits and get some work done. I love walking into a place and being greeted by people who appear genuinely happy to see me. I especially like it when that place is not a bar.I gave my supe some culinary lavender so she could make some lavender lemonade (most delicious and refreshing) as thanks for working so hard to keep me on at PC. She said, "No problem! You're a gem and we want to keep you!" Obviously, this lady knows that with me, flattery is like a backstage pass, baby. I bonked the Cruiser leaving a gas station. It made the most horrible noise; I fully expected to see the front grille pushed up and warped when I looked at it. As it turned out, the bang was worse than the bite and only a piece of plastic along the front grille was scraped. That noise was like nails across a blackboard. Happily, since blackboards went the way of the mimeograph, no one has to suffer that particular torture anymore.I called the owner of the dealership where I got the car and left a message to advise that I have a large (well, smaller since dustinashe got into it while I was out) pot of gazpacho to drop off in thanks for the excellent service and good deal I got. I will drop it off tomorrow (in the truck - 'cause I will *not* be toting a pot of gazpacho 2 towns away in the new car. I know how I drive.) He left a return vm saying, "That was so thoughtful! I look forward to trying your [long pause] *soup.*] I think he does not kow what gazpacho is. Then again, as it was pointed out to me this evening, this is a gentleman who has Fox News Channel playing on all the waiting room televisions. He probably thought I was bringing over a pot of communicable disease or something.I went up to the folks' house for 4th festivities, which mostly consisted of sitting around eating crackers and dip until I offered to give my mom and sis-in-law the beading lesson I promised for last Christmas. They agreed, and we were all spared a few hours of painful sitting about trying to make small talk.I stopped by at my brother's to ask him to check our dogs during the fireworks show, which is held a block away from our house. He looked disheveled, and showed me the spoils of his newest hobby: home network shopping with a specialty in gemstones. I thought about how crazy I thought him at that moment and recalled a CCS staff meeting in which I would say a majority of the staffers talked about that one brother with the psych issue. I guess if mental illness is hereditary, siblings in the mental health professions is also.I showed my mom & sis-in-law how to make drop earrings. They were very excited, and between the three of us, we knocked out about a 8 pairs in varying states of finished-ness. That was fun, and it was nice to be able to spread everythig out, without some pet trying to eat/sniff/sneeze on/take off with the goods. So I just left it all there. I think my mom is excited about the idea of having one or both of us there more often. It gives her someone to tlak to besides my dad, who you have to yell at amymore; poor bastard's going deaf and is too vain to do anything useful about it. Now mom & sis-in-law want to help me make jewelry for the October art show which I try to do whenever I can, because I make a killing. All the artists do.We watched fireworks at the Country Club, where several old family friends air-kissed at me, and everyone was just so.There was, as far as I could tell, only one small fire. Tomorrow, the golfers will have to watch for that patch. Leaving was orderly and polite; nothing like traffic anyplace else on... well, any other place *I've* ever been. The best part was, all three dogs were still here when I got home. A little bit freaked out and actively psychotic, but since that's more the norm than the exception, no harm - no foul.

Foray into Meme-dom

I escaped from the Dungeon of Rayvenwahine!I killed Veleda the floating eye, Primalfire the gelatinous cube, Dustinashe the arch-demon and Darkpawsage the kobold.I looted the Dagger of Haunting Love, the Armour of Magick, the Wand of Inland Empire, the Armour of Psychology, the Dagger of Entamishmish, the Sword of Unitarian Universalist, the Dagger of Thelema, the Sceptre of Mysticism and 53 gold pieces.Score: 78Explore the Dungeon of Rayvenwahine and try to beat this score,or enter your username to generate and explore your own dungeon...

The Week in Brief

School: Got an "A" on my first midterm (how is it a "midterm," exactly, when there are four of them scheduled for a 6-week class?). Yay! I still like Math. That may indeed be the biggest news. I e-mailed the admissions lady I'd been talking to at UCR about getting in as a 2nd Bac student. I'm liking the Neuroscience program. Also, I scored a bunch of free books from the CHC library, including a couple on esoteric mathematics and one on the history of Archaeology complete with loads o' photos. Work:I am so over CCS. I finally got a meeting set up with the ED there to let her know that, no, thank you, I will not be renewing my contract here. That would be because I dread coming here so much I actually feel nauseous sometimes. I did appreciate the $25 Barnes & Noble gift card they gave to all of us as an end-of-fiscal-year bonus. dustinashe and I blew it yesterday - we each got two books. Mine are: The Museum of the Mind and Good and Evil: In Myth & Legend. I start my newest position, doing TBS (Therapeutic Behavioral Services) assessments on Monday. My first assessment is next Friday at 7pm (who schedules these things?!) I was worried about driving my poor old truck all over Riverside County to do the job, so I bought me a new coach. I wanted to get the new Toyota Yaris because it gets crazy good gas mileage, but I found out that there are only something like 3 of them in the whole state, so instead I got a black PT Cruiser. I love it! It is so nice to drive a car where I am not worrying every minute if this will be the trip where the clutch finally gives out. Also, it is nice to finally run the AC without fear. *makes with happy feet* I was bummed at first that I couldn't get a stick (none of the sticks on the lot had AC which is just a poor purchasing decision in SoCal). I'm actually enjoying the automatic now, though, and I have stopped stomping on the floor of the car where the clutch should be. This purchase being an exercise in the adage, "Leap, and the net will appear" as now we have another two large bills each month as a result: the car payment and the insurance. Personal:Still not smoking! Still nobody maimed or dead! What restraint!Still trying to avoid eating meat more than one per day. That's going well. I did give in to the allure of Baker's the other day, though. Love that Mama meal. :-PToo hot to do much in the way of exercise.Social:Feh. Not much goin' on here. I don't have the time, or when I do, I don't have the energy to get out and do anything. I have been e-mailing people though, trying to work harder at actually keeping in touch with meaningful people. Other than that, my big social moment for today, at least, consisted of the neighbor kid coming over and talking to me for the entire half hour to 45 that it took me to water the front yard. Then I paid him $5 to wash the truck. That seemed to do the trick. I don't remember when it got to be so hard to connect and stay connected to people... it used to come so easy.Spiritual:Still drawn toward the works evoking angels. Looking into it, looking into it. Read the first part of the Chaldean Oracles, through #39. They seemed to be missing, well, a *lot* so then I found the more complete version here at http://www.sacred-texts.comI'm also reading Manly Hall's The Secret Teachings of All Ages. Good book; hard to believe that Hall finished it while still in his twenties (bastard!). Plan to sit later, and re-acquaint myself with the LBRP so I can start doing it every evening - I beleive that will be of immeasurable help to me, especially as I spend my days visiting people in trouble and pain. Being the empath I am, if I forget to shield, I end up inadvertantly picking up all sorts of unpleasant nonsense from people.All in all, yet another change-filled week! Life is good.

3 Days Smoke-Free and No Dead Bodies!

Well, I finally quit talkin' and bought the patch. I am smoke-free since Friday - yay Will!I am having some crazy dreams, though. I think I'll have to take the patch off before I go to bed tonight. It is hotter than fresh shit here, and that makes it hard enough to sleep... Our AC is, to state it mildly, *underperforming. We have therm set to 80 and it still can't get below 82-84 degrees in here. That would also be a contributor to my ongoing sense of exhaustion and irritability, no?Math test today - I thought it was pretty easy. Here's hoping I wasn't wrong. I have to ace all these classes now. I finally got all 5 transcripts from my previous college career and I have to say, I still can't figure out how I managed to get my first degree. Ack.Spiritually, I'm feeling drawn back toward the esoteric again. I tend to cycle, each time with new eyes. I was reading a thread on Real Magick on Yahoo Groups about working with angels, and for the first time I was not immediately repelled by the idea. Before, I tended to jump right to the "That sounds too *Christian" and I don't want anything to do with that." Whatever! Reactionism is not helpful either! So, whereas before, when I was working more with the Eastern mystery trads, I've swung back 'round to the Western trads, so I'm poking around. I was just reading an article called "Magick Theory" at http://www.sacred-magick.com (which has some good resources, even in the free section)which is a nice little primer on what it implies. What struck me about the article, though was the reference to the Zen concept of Satori, and in looking it up, it sounds like what I felt like I had in meditation last week. Then the article nicely puts to words the concepts of our microcosm and the macrocosmic world without, which is essentially what I saw in my meditation.Huh. Now that I think about it, I was just talking to my good friend who was telling me about the daily request that the Ultimate Observer make itself known to him in recognizable ways (he recently saw What the Bleep) and I wonder if that's what just happened here. I didn't make that request, though, but it does seem synchronicitous that I encountered allusions to my meditative visions in an article I picked to read that I probably wouldn't have normally.

I'm Chock Full O' Math

If someone had told me even 3 months ago that I'd one day *willingly* spend hours per day on Math, I would have shot whatever I was drinking out my nose for laughing so hard.But! Here I are, a newly-minted math-loving fool.There must be a med for that.In other news, I had an intense visualization then astral projection yesterday while meditating on the concept of NO-GOD. That was fun, in a freaky, I-might've-peed-a-little kind of way. I'm working on a way to collage what I saw and the insight I had since I can't draw.So, PC is going to produce for my approval a new offer letter which will have me working part-time as a contract person doing the Prop 63 stuff and part-time as a per diem MFTI doing assessments for their Therapeutic Behavior Services (TBS) program. I'd hate to be the HR person who has to sort all that shit out. Best thing about it? Well, there are two, now that I think about it. They know I'm going to school and are willing to accomodate my class schedule. And, I will get to quit CCS, which will be a huge relief. Yay, me!Now, if I could only find a position in which the money I earn as income is greater than or equal to our outgo....(Dammit! Stupid math! I may need an intervention if this keeps up.)

I meant to wor...

I meant to work more than I did but it still felt like I did a lot. Lucky me, I get to bill for driving... I went to the TAY workgroup for Pacific Clinics in Rialto. The One-Stop Centers proposed are sounding cool - I hope the approval comes in soon, so the money can drop. Then I drove to Ontario to pick up my LiveScan form. Then to San Bernardino to get my fingerprints done (again) - I get creeped out every time. I hate being on paper - the old paranoic reflexes start twitching. Then I went back to the UofR to get the last of the 5 transcripts I need to see what I gots in terms of premed requirements. Getting transcripts from 5 different "institutes of higher learning" is a pain in the ass.I meant to go home then and work, but that didn't happen. What did happen was some wanton e-mailing, agreeing to go to a camera club meeting next Mon nite (oh for chrissakes, stop laughing and give me back my f*&$king pocket protector), and talking for a slightly uncomfortable bit to the lawyer I know with dicey connections who finally returned my call a week too late who pretended not to be sure of who I was but then managed to remember conversational details from like 8 years ago. dustinashe's buddy came by for awhile to drop off an odd gourd-looking Indian instrument that he is leaving in dustin's care while he jaunts off to Paris and India for the next two months. Lucky bastard. I broke down and tried a veggie burger. OK, 1.5 veggie burgers: 1 Boca burger, and .5 Morning Spring. They were not horrible. I like how Boca throws down with that little bit of liquid smoke flavoring so you can pretend you are eating a freshly BBQ'd meat patty instead of ground up and smashed together vegetation. I do not foresee veggie burgers becoming a craving.Some event at the UofR included what felt like the longest fireworks show in the history of fireworks, which set the already neurotic dogs off into hyper-neurotic spasms and fits. That was moderately nerve-wracking. And I think I'm deafer.I read The Soldier and the Hunchback: ! and ? and got mildly annoyed by Crowley's seeming misogyny: "The Christian insists on notorious lies being accepted as an essential part of his (more usually her) system..." (emphasis mine). (I guess that could also be considered anti-Christian, eh?) I also took exception to the several times he wrote about the state "which I call Samadhi" which to me implies that this is his term or concept which is not the case. I did like the comparisons and contrasts he drew between the persons residing in Malkuth, Tiphareth, and Kether. Mostly though, I felt like this was an opportunity well-taken for the man to expound, and expound he did.So, I washed that down with Chapter 10 of the Nurtured Heart book. I like the premise of the approach (to parenting) but I get annoyed by the redundancy of the writing - the same rationale is explained ad nauseum in every freaking chapter. I get that the book is not written for clinicians, but do the authors think that parents are *that* stupid?So, I washed that down with another dose of Bel Canto. I'm almost done with that book, bit like several of our hostages, I could just as easily stay right there indefinitely.As a palate cleanser, #2 from the Tao Te Ching. I'm reading the version in Hua-Ching Ni's "The Complete Works of Lao Tzu" but I just caught this online version which looks like good times...The last line in the version I'm reading, "Because one does not claim credit for oneself, one does not do any damage to oneself" was the line of the day. Closely related to the Buddhist ideal of non-attachment, reminiscent of Liber Librae 11: "Do good unto others for its own sake, not for reward... "Oh, and for you infidels who don't think that Fox News is a legitimate and unbiased source of objective news reportage, this oughtta learn ya. (Thanks haunting_love)

"All tha...

"All that is of the nature to arise is of the nature to cease."I've had that quote stuck in my head for several days now. Good to meditate on.I'm annoyed that I've wasted most of the evening skulking about LJ... so I've gotten off of the keyboard (well, momentarily anyway) and put aside "Bel Canto," which is a great book by Ann Patchett to look again at "The Complete Works of Lao Tzu." I'm stuck on this line from "The Universal Way" which opens the book: The Subtle Essence that is sought by all sciences and all religions transcends all attempts to reach it by means of thought, belief, or experiment.So then the Great Work could also be conceptualized as the Universal Way, no?

Social Butterfly

Well, I finally got out of the house for something besides work... a record *two* times this weekend. Yesterday I had lunch at Las Fuentes (good food!) with my mom's old partners from her store and one of the partners' two daughters, one of whom is pregnant to burstin'. It was a nice lunch, although I found that I do not have very much in common with any of those fine folk.Today dustinashe and I went to his employee party at the UofR pool. It was pretty cool - good food (as it should be - it was by the food company after all), and an interesting mix of people. I love his company - socially responsible and sustainable foodservice, who'd a thunkit?~ Bon Appetit Management Company ~I actually went into the pool (in my first new bathing suit since, what? 2001?) with only minor provocation from the hubby. I am very excited to report that I fit into a small bathing suit again... yay stress! See what it can do for you!It's been a good week - meeting new people and re-meeting some blasts from the past. Defnitely the most contact I've had with others in a non-professional capacity in recent memory. And as far as I can tell, I have not yet made an utter ass of myself! Good that.On the professional front, PC has offered me a per diem job doing TBS assessments throughout Riverside County in my spare time (ha!). I will need a different car for that.... my poor coach is not a young car, and it eats gas like it was at the Last Supper. So, I guess I'll cut back a day at CCS, which is just fine by me - I have never felt very comfortable there anyway, and the more I do the Parent-Child Interaction Therapy, the less I feel like doing it. How the hell did I end up working with kids anyway?! I was supposed to be doing Depth! At least I'll get some more hours toward my license. I need a countdown clock. 3000.... 2999.... fuck it.I'm terrified and horrified at the idea of going back to school next week to take Intermediate Algebra. I bought the book already and was looking at the beginning algebra review chapter the other night and I did not know shit. Med school?! WTF was I thinking? I hope I can transfer to UCR soon. The thought of sitting in one of those lame little student desks with a bunch of 18-year olds makes my ass itch. Especially since they will all probably know a hell of a lot more about Algebra than me. When was it last? 1992? At the latest.... I've forgotten most of the decade since then, I certainly have done my best to repress the Math. Oh well, this will, if nothing else, test my resolve. I downloaded this old-timey picture book I think I remember seeing when I was little. Anyway, this picture kind of sums it up right now:I sat for a bit last night - it was wonderful, wonder why I avoid it like the plague? Took the dogs for a walk yesterday, also wonderful, except for the part where they each take off in opposite directions when a person is nearby which stretches my arms out worse than a rack would. That is probably why I avoid that like the plague.Not much else to report. Life is good, and I'm beginning to feel twinges of high energies again. Last week was great for that, I was starting to get that old back-tingling, hair-on-the-back-of-the-neck-raising feeling again in sessions. Kick ass."Though one conquers thousands and thousands of men in the battlefield, yet he is the noblest victor who conquers himself." - The Buddha

Nicked from DarkPawSage

I'm a werecat? WTF is a werecat?!

*yawn* {sigh}

I'm tired!3 agencies... tooling around.... trying to make a buck.Damn, I thought I was a hustler when I was working in the less than professional scene.Shows what I know.