So... I sp...

So... I spent a good part of the day at a "Level 14" locked-down facility for minors with "severe emotional disturbances" today. Let's just say that I can understand why most of those kids might have those alleged emotional disturbances. I am pissed off. That is all.

On Internet Communication

So, I go to the library today (and get my lost card replaced, I am now free to check books out all willy-nilly all by myself!) and end up checking out this book. It's actually very timely, given that I have just kind of been going back and forth with someone on LJ about online v. offline personae, and noticing several recent posts from another friend about being misunderstood online and off, but mostly, or maybe just worse, online.This book addresses both of those issues, and quite a bit more. So, much like the last stupid book I checked out, I hauled off and ordered it from Half.com. I can see that having a library card is going to be substantially more expensive than I had hoped.With the first one, online v. IRL personae, the person with whom I was trading posts had originally written that he was somewhat miffed (*totally* my word, not his), or at the very least quite confused that a person with whom he had built what he characterized as a strong online connection did not seem to carry that connection over into an in-person meeting as strongly. My initial (and continuing) reaction to that was one of dire non-surprise. Me, my background in terms of social psychology is that of symbolic interactionism, including the work of Erving Goffman. I think he was genius and I think that everyone should read "The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life." Better still, everyone should read that book *and* "Stigma.". I can only imagine the heyday he would have with internet culture and communication. To sum up, his theory was that we create and maintain our identities on an ongoing basis, and that these activities are context-bound. To wit, I engage one identity when I am in my "therapist" role, and it will not be the same as the identity I engage in my "shoe shopper" role. Although there are some congruent elements between the two roles, they are not identical. However, when two roles collide (like, how about a client who sees me at the bar?!) things can get messy and turbulent. This is a good argument for why initial offline meetings between people who met first online can be awkward; two different roles are colliding. I like this theory, mainly because it makes sense, and also because it nicely describes what I do, which is handy, because normalization is always a neat thing.Another factor to keep in mind is that many people who are lively online may be more on the introverted side offline. Hanging out with people at a coffeehouse or a bar may not be as comfortable for me as hanging out in a chat room or trading IM’s. Then there is the fact that we Netheads tend to put a lot of time and juice into our web personae. Also, we can experiment with who we are and what we project about ourselves, not to mention building and maintaining multiple online identities that have no real corresponding offline partner. It can be a fantastically fun social experiment. Just ask my alter ego Lola Canola, the Cajun stripper. But, this can become anxiety- and fear-producing as well. When the opportunity for an in-person meeting pops up, there is maybe more awkwardness to that than even a normal blind date. At least with a blind date, I've had relatively little time and received relatively little info to make an assumption about who you are and/or what you’re all about. With the migration from an online relationship to an in-person one, there are expectations and projections to be confirmed or denied, both our own for the other, and the other's for ourselves. Eep. It's almost enough to just live the online life and not meet at all, because there is always the ambivalence and anxiety that accompany the fear of disappointment (on either the receiving or giving end). Or, y’know, to just live offline, but I’m sure we can all agree that that is just crazy talk.As it turns out, the research bears out that (duh!): people tend to be less inhibited online than they would be in person due to the increased level of anonymity. If you do not believe the research, I invite you again to talk to Lola about this. She would assure you that this is the case if she were not performing lap dances for weary bleary truckers right now. Since this is the case, it is logical that one might be even more reticent or closed upon meeting in person. This is, after all, about boundaries, and people are generally about balance. If I really let loose the boundaries online, because I'm anonymous and neenerneener, I may very well feel greatly compelled to present as somesuch very serious lady and not at all loosey goosey upon meeting someone in person. I do not, after all, want that person to think I am a total and complete wingnut in *all* my facets, right?The second bit was about being or feeling misunderstood. As applied to the Net, we all see this all the time. I can't count the number of times some thread has gone awry and when it doesn't end in an all-out "fuck you!" fest, it ends with some variation of, "I guess there was some miscommunication there, sorry."Communication is primarily non-verbal. Even the tonal aspects of communication are generally perceived as being more important than the actual words. In the Parent-Child Interaction Therapy I sometimes do, we are supposed to code a 5-minute portion of each session. One of the things we code for are "critical statements." Technically, the words, "You're a little goofy" would be coded as a critical statement. However, (thank goodness) we were trained that tone trumps content. So, if the tone of the statement was more kind and loving, it would be coded as a description. If the tone raised at the end, it would be coded as a question. It reminds me of that one skit that illustrated all of the ways you can say "dude." Happy! You are *so* busted. Chainsaw murderer outside my bedroom window...But we can’t do that online for the most part, although I have to say, I love those voice posts; they’re mesmerizing, but not entirely practical or feasible for every post and comment. And there would still be the visual aspect of communication missing. Since most communication is, in fact, not what we generally think of as communication (i.e. the words), no wonder we misunderstand and are misunderstood. We can't convey ourselves the way we can and would in person. The other party is unable to observe us for cues and clues in order to make an accurate assessment and meaning out of what we intended to communicate. There doesn't seem to be a quick or easy fix for this other than to be mindful that this is the case, and to check in with people before jumping to what may very well be (and I think often is) the wrong conclusion. Because we are what the book describes as "cognitive misers" which means that we will tend to form opinions about one another from looks to intelligence to personality characteristics to ______ (fill in blank) as quickly as possible in order to make sense of each other, and then be hard-pressed to make alterations to that initial assessment. So, be hip to that, that's all I'm sayin'.

Quote for t...

Quote for the day: "Illegal cheese is a status symbol." ~ Jesse.Cheese Lovers are Hard Core! Is it wrong to feel so strongly aroused after reading an article about *other people* enjoying illicit dairy?! I feel dirty.Anyhoo. *ahem*Cheese Lovers may be Hard Core...but not as Hard Core as Dr. Tran! ...who has been removed from YouTube because of terms violation. Bad luck, Dr. Tran!Don't worry though, Dr. Tran. You're still a hot commodity! I want a little Cowboy Tran myself.Giddy-up, and Hail Eris! :-D

Lo...

Love this cornbread recipe - I made it again this morning. (x-posted to food_porn)Here's the easiest and tastiest cornbread I've had that has the added bonus of being low in fat (just over 10% total) to boot. It is adapted from a recipe that appeared in Sunset Magazine (don't know the date or issue #, sorry) Using polenta instead of cornmeal creates more texture, and about as much class as you can get in, y'know, *cornbread.*Best of all, it takes almost no time to prepare and doesn't create a large mess to clean up afterward.Enjoy! 1 cup AP flour1 cup dry polenta1/4 minus 1 TBS sugar1 t baking soda3/4 t salt1 cup plain nonfat yogurt2 eggsPreheat oven to 400. Mix all ingredients in a bowl just until blended (do not overwork!).Pour into a sprayed or greased (greasing will add to the overall fat content - I used Pam Olive Oil Spray) 8 or 9" round or square pan. Bake until top is golden - around 20 mins in a 9" pan; closer to 25 in an 8" pan. Serve warm.** This bread does not keep long because it is so moist. So eat up! :-)dustinashe and I went to the grand re-opening and free-intro-to-the-instructor class at Blue Mud last night. Wow. I forgot several things, namely: a)how strenuous yoga is, b) exercising for 90 minutes is hard, and c) how much I really like yoga. We can't wait to go back although I'm a bit sore today. It's been a good 4 years since I had a class, and this was a second level class. Eep.In other news, I picked up "Lost in Translation," "Mystic River," and "Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon" on DVD the other day for $10 total. Score!

wtf?!

With the Lollypop Kids on the brain, I just ran into this article about the famous Munchkins.In other news: - I awoke yesterday and was unable to do Math. Which was bad, because I had a test. It is safe to say that I will not be earning an "A" on that test, nope. - I learned that I'd rather be late, than early and have to wait in the car in a place where there is no shade when it is 105 out. "Glistening" might be hot, but pouring formerly internal water out of one's pores to the point that one looks and possibly smells like a drowned rodent is not hot at all. - I went all Crazy Crocker last night and made two kinds of chicken and some corn bread. Corn bread recipe (and the recipe for the smoothie I had this morning) coming later. - Jungheads that take themselves altogether too seriously and milk everything for it's secret/archetypal/symbolic meaning can be annoying. - If this heat wave does not snap soon, I will. - And hello? Could we maybe go *one* day without another fire breaking out/flaring up?!

Random Encounters

As I left work today, I noticed a man sitting on an upturned coffee can next to, but somewhat behind, the dumpster. The thermometer in the car read 104. The man had a small paper bag with a large can of beer in it to the side of him, and what appeared to be a large lighter in front of him. He looked as if he was trying to be very very small, like he was trying to disappear. I tried to unobtrusively, but more importantly, unobviously, hurry to my car, where surely I would be safe within it. No begging, no heartfelt pleas for cash, no leering glances, no propositions.As I settled in, turned on the AC, I looked over at the man and saw that he was crying.God.Dammit.Leaving my bag in the car and thinking myself right ballsy for not locking it as I ventured ten feet away, I haltingly approached the man. I have never seen such despair that was not on the news or in a National Geographic. He looked broken, beyond repair. Not having shielded myself before I approached, because I had obnoxiously assumed that this was just some midday drunk, I was rewarded with a swift psychic kick to the innards."Um," (uncomfy pause) "are you okay?" (Brilliant opener! Of course he's fine! He's just crying behind a dumpster at 2pm drinking beer 'cause things are swell!)Turns out, he was where he was because his wife of 25 years had just left him. He had no family, no friends to turn to.I hate that because my jobs and my life have left me so jaded that my initial instinct is *always* "He reported..." which leaves all kinds of room for the assumption that "He" is full of shit. "Client reported he couldn't pay his rent because he bought a one-of-a-kind samurai sword." (Well, okay that one was true, except for the "one-of-a-kind" part, but I didn't want to burst his bubble.) "Client stated that he has been clean for three weeks." (Client is jumpier than a jackrabbit and has suddenly developed "seasonal allergies.")I felt awful that there was really nothing I could do to help him. I felt even worse considering all of the shitty assumptions I had made about him in just a couple of minutes. I told him he could go to my office if he needed help and walked away. "Take care."He nodded, sniffed, and looked up at me, eyes red-rimmed but clear as daylight. "Thank you."

Happy Birthday!

to primalfire!Hope you have a great day!